


the sun

by cafedanslanuit



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Depression, F/M, References to Depression, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26607151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafedanslanuit/pseuds/cafedanslanuit
Summary: Be it by want or instinct, people will always end up hurting you. And the only thing you can do is not give them the chance to do so.
Relationships: Nishinoya Yuu/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	the sun

**Author's Note:**

> check the tags for warnings~

i.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I see her. My mom sitting on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably as she rips apart photographs where my dad appears. Loud music is playing and now I think maybe that’s why I don’t like harsh noise. I approach her and she yells at me to leave her alone. She tells me I look like him and I wonder if I still do. It’s been twelve years since then, but every time I look at the mirror I wonder if I have the face of the first man that hurt me.

“Don’t trust men,” she cries, as I bring her a painkiller and a glass of water. “They will rip your heart apart.”

“I won’t,” I promise, and I spent the next years doing just that. Whenever someone would smile at me, I always closed my eyes and went back to that moment. The nauseating ring on my ears from the loud music, the ripped photographs scattered on the floor and the image of my mother crawling into bed every day with a bottle of wine and a lost look in her eyes.

Be it by want or instinct, people will always end up hurting you. And the only thing you can do is not give them the chance to do so.

ii.

His existence was like the sun. 

Every morning he entered the classroom, he shared his warmth and brought light from within his eyes. It was almost terrifying how much he shone, to the point that I thought he could burn me if I dared to touch him with my cold hands. Nishinoya always laughed with his mouth wide open and his eyes closed, never caring if anyone was watching, just basking in his own happiness and glee. I believed he truly never questioned himself, always talking as if he wasn’t afraid of saying something wrong, as if he was so sure of himself no one could bring him down.

Just like the sun, I settled with watching him from afar, hoping his warmth would reach me. I searched for his light on my dark days, chuckling as I saw him prank his friends and listening intently when he spoke passionately about volleyball.

I had always thought he was good on the eyes but never expected him to look as beautiful as he did the first time I contemplated him talking about serving. The way his cheeks were flushed and his words tumbled with each other, I could have stared for hours. His grin became wider, his brown eyes became golden and for those few moments, I forgot about the dark clouds hanging over my head.

I wondered what loving as intensely as he did felt.

iii.

Nishinoya barged in front of my desk on a Tuesday morning of our first high school year, trying to catch his breath as he explained he was about to be banned from the volleyball team if he didn’t ace the exam we had on Friday. He claimed his friend had told him I was smart, and a vague memory of me handing out my notes to said friend came to my mind.

He continued rambling for several more minutes, stressing the importance of the match was and how he didn’t know what else to do. It took him to stare at me arching his right eyebrow for me to register I had been quiet the whole time. I nodded and tried to smile, hating how unfamiliar it felt on my face. Thankfully, Nishinoya’s smile outshone mine and before I knew it, he was making arrangements for us to meet after his volleyball practice.

And for a moment, I forgot. I forgot about the eviction notices, I forgot about the sleepless nights and the constant headaches. As I swam into his chocolate eyes, my mind was only filled with the sound of an unknown tune that filled my heart with peace. He thanked me once again for agreeing to help him with the exam, as if I ever had the chance to deny his warmth.

He left with a smile and I felt hungry for the first time in the week. 

iv.

If he ever saw the empty wine bottles near the trash bin, he never commented on it. He also made his case to never question why my room always looked like I had just cleaned it, a sharp contrast with the dull mess of the rest of the house. Not once did he ask about the bags under my eyes or the days I missed school. When getting out of bed was more than I could handle, getting notified with a text message from him wishing me to get better soon always brought a smile to my face.

All I knew was that every time I leaned on the opened gym’s door frame during one of his practice matches, he always kept his unspoken promise of walking me home after he was done. I can still remember his stories, one after the other without a pause, never failing in making me look at him in awe. He would always make convincing arguments to take detours to get some food, my mood improving after having my first meal of the day. No matter what we did during those walks, the one thing that never wavered was the huge smile on his face as he said goodbye.

I always asked myself if he somehow knew. If, by any chance, he could tell it was raining on me on those days. He must have known he couldn’t stop it, but always did his best to make sure I danced a little in the rain, even if it was just for the short while it took us to get to my house.

v.

The night came and the sun had to set.

It had been three years since we had met, but time always feels so short when someone has to say goodbye. Nishinoya had mentioned his desire to discover the world and experience everything life had to offer, so it was natural for him to set on a long trip just after graduation. He was so enthusiastic about it I couldn’t help but find solace in my own turmoil of emotions. For a usually impulsive person, he had his bag packed for a week before he actually had to leave. I still remember how he bounced up and down as he told me about it the last afternoon we spent together, and I wished he would keep his smile forever.

Was it selfish of me to not want the sun to be taken away? Was it delusional to even call him that? I touched my arms seeking the warmth he left after his last hug but it was long gone. He had promised to send a postcard, and even if I knew I would treasure it, I also understood I shouldn’t cling to it. My heart knew that was the last time I would ever see him. And it was okay. Some people aren’t meant to stay.

Be it by want or instinct, people will always end up hurting you. But, if you got to be truly happy by their side, you will always be thankful you gave them the chance to do so.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find more of my work on my tumblr, cafedanslanuit c: thank you for reading!!


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